If THIS is therapy, I'll keep my money...

So after the Big Bearded Word Machine's recent attempts to get some therapy, I thought I couldn't fare any worse. Everyone has their problems and could use a little help now and then. So I decided to pay a visit to the headcleaner known as Dr. Sbaitso.

What happened was... well, I'll let you the readers be the judges.

Hello Mad Piano Man, my name is Doctor Sbaitso. I am here to help you. Say whatever is in your mind freely, our conversation will be kept in strict confidence. Memory contents will be wiped after you leave so, tell me about your problems.

Well Doc, so I have these loans. And not a ton of cash...

How does these loans. And not a ton of cash... change your life

Well, you see, these loans want all my cash, and I want to keep it.

How important is it to you?

Well, I LIKE my cash... and I wouldn't like to live in a box.

Come on, pour out your thoughts

No, I don't WANT to pay these loans. How about YOU pay them?

You do want to pay these loans. How about I pay them? When you want to

Really?! Okay then, start paying up, Mr. Money Machine!

It's good to have money, but money is not everything.

No, but it'll do the job to pay off these loans!

Have you tried to ask for help?

You really haven't quite grasped this whole "listening" thing, have you?

Do you want me to shut up and quit?

That might help while I tell you what I want, sure.

Please be sure of what you want. Go on.

I am sure. Shut up and listen to me, Doc.

Are you sure, you don't want to talk to me?

No, I want to talk to you while you shut up and listen.

Please be sure of what you want. Go on.

STOP TALKING, SBAITSO!

It's Sound Blaster Acting Intelligent Text to Speech Operator

Well, I'm glad we've gotten that little bit information out of the way. Now about you paying my loans...

You are just glad we've gotten that little bit of information out of the way. Now about I paying your loans...? What about me?

You offered to pay my loans, dummy. Your working memory is rather short.

You'd better watch out for your working memory is rather short.

You know, I used to play that "repeating the other person's words" game when I was in grade school. It won't work with an adult.

What kind of schools do you like?

Ones that don't charge me money. But that's not important right now. When are you going to start paying my loans like you offered, Sbaitso?

Sbaitso attempts to answer questions using a synthetic voice

A synthetic voice? You really should have quit smoking earlier...

Are you really talking about me?

Yeah, but I'm still more interested in your bank account.

My bank account. Is not of your concern.

It sure is since you're offering to pay my loans, buddy.

If I am offering to pay your loans, buddy. Then you must be out of your mind.

You are if you want to pay for something that isn't even your problem...

Please don't talk about my problem...

I'm not. You refuse to listen.

You wanted to be not. I refuse to listen. So that you can talk to me?

Yeah, but I've told you that already. You shut up. I talk. Now, how soon will you start paying my loans?

What do you suggest?

Hmm... I'll tell you how much I owe, you send the loan folks a check for a million dollars tomorrow, and then I get the refund. That sounds great to me!

Keep asking, you will find the answer one day

I'm not asking. I'm telling you what I want. Focus, Doc.

I think I am not asking. You're telling I what you want. Focus, Doc. Too.

Doc... this listening thing is hard on you, isn't it?

Can you elaborate more on that?

Not really. You should have learned that back in about first grade. I can't help you with that.

How do you know you can't help I with that?

Because YOU are the doctor who is supposed to help ME, dummy!

Mad Piano Man, don't tell me you don't know supposed to help me, dummy!

Umm, yeah... I think my appointment is over when my doctor insults me. I'll call you when I'm ready to come back, okay?

Do you think the other way around?

No, I'm pretty sure.

Since when have you been pretty sure.

Always, Doc. Always. I'm going now.

Which occasion are you thinking of?

Right now. Goodbye. *Leaves*

Let's change the subject, you were telling me about schools?

And that was my experience with Dr. Sbaitso. As of now, I'd give him 0 out of 5 stars.